


Drunken Nights

by spideybabeparker



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes AU, Bucky Barnes Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, F/M, Marvel College AU, bucky barnes college au, marvel AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 07:51:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20617544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideybabeparker/pseuds/spideybabeparker
Summary: Bucky Barnes drinks too much and some how always ends up knocking on the girl who lives across the hall door. They have fallen into a routine of her taking care of him.





	1. The constant hangover

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: angst, cussing, sadness, past trauma (in future chapters), and alcoholism, and drinking.

Drunken nights led to him normally stumbling across the hall to his neighbor’s dorm. She had grown accustomed to her late-night visitor. It wasn’t even like her and Bucky were exactly friends. They use to talk in passing when they would meet in the hallway, but they never hung out or anything.

He started walking across the hall when he was drunk after one drunken night when he got locked out of his dorm and had to knock on his neighbor’s door. He wasn’t expecting his neighbor (y/n) to let him in let alone take care of him the next morning when he was drunk out of his mind.

It was another night that started out calm but ended with him getting drunk surrounded by a lot of frat guys and sorority girls.

Stumbling down the hallway he reached for his own door. The moment his hand touched the door knob he stopped at the sound of the door across the hallway opening. He looked over to see (y/n) standing in the doorway in her pajamas and her hair in a messy bun and her round glasses covering her eyes while she was staring at him.

“Hey Bucky,” she said softly.

“Hey neighbor,” he leaned back against the wall as he slurred his words.

“Are you locked out?” she asked knowing that drunk Bucky always lost his keys and his roommate Steve was rarely actually in their room at night.

He lied and nodded his head. His room key was in his pocket, but he would much rather spend time with her, and have her take care of him.

“You want to sleep on my couch?” she asked knowing that her roommate wouldn’t be coming home. She went out to see her boyfriend for the night.

“I would like that,” he slurred pushing himself off the wall.

He leaned forward and almost fell on his face he was stopped by (y/n) reaching out to stop him from falling.

“Be careful Bucky,” she reached down and grabbed his wrist to lead him into her dorm room.

They seemed to have a fallen into a routine, where she would hear a very drunk Bucky Barnes stumbling down the hallway and open her door to check on him, and most nights he would crash on her couch. Every morning when he would wake up, he would find Advil and a bottle of Gatorade sitting on the coffee table in her empty dorm.

Bucky didn’t know a ton about (y/n) and he wasn’t even sure if they really even talked when he wasn’t drunk out of his mind. Most times when they would see each other when they were sober, they would just say simple hellos and go their own ways.

He stumbled into her dorm and went and sat on his normal spot on her couch. She walked over and sat cross legged on the chair across from him and watched as she fumbled with his shirt. Some nights he would fall asleep completely clothed and then other nights he would attempt to get out of his clothes and strip down to his boxers. The nights he tried to strip he would complain that he’s hot. She couldn’t help but wonder if maybe she should get pajamas to keep for him at her place.

“Bucky you okay?” she asked watching him struggle with the buttons on his shirt.

He looked up at her with squinted eyes and then back down at his shirt.

“Can you help me unbutton this, I’m too warm,” he whined.

“Yeah,” she sat up and knelt on the ground in front of the couch and worked on getting his shirt unbuttoned. Everything between them suddenly felt intimate. Out of all the times he a stripped in her dorm he had never asked her to help him. Her fingers accidentally dragged across his tone stomach as she got the last few buttons.

She didn’t understand how he could have that nice of a body with all the alcohol he seemed to drink constantly. His hazy blue eyes were locked on her as he watched her unbutton his shirt. He wanted to reach out and touch her but he couldn’t do it. He knew that was a line that he shouldn’t cross.

“Are you thirsty?” she asked standing up.

He nodded his head silently as he removed his shirt.

She walked over to the small kitchen area and pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge and walked over and handed it to Bucky. Walking back over and sat down on the chair across from him. Her eyes couldn’t help but admire his tone body. Her wandering eyes moved up to his metal prosthetic arm. She had never actually ever asked him what had happened to his arm. She had heard a few rumors about a bad car crash he was in, but she didn’t know who truthful they actually were.

“Do you have class in the morning?” he asked knowing that he was probably keeping her up.

She nodded her head, “Yeah I do.”

“What time?”

“Eight in the morning,” she sighed knowing at max she was only going to get like four hours of sleep.

He ran his fingers through his hair as he suddenly felt guilty, “oh fuck, sorry for keeping you up.”

“It’s fine, I like to knowing you’re safe,” she gave him a light smile. She preferred knowing he was safe and asleep on her couch, that way if anything happened to him, he wouldn’t be alone.

“I drank way too much,” he groaned already feeling his headache kicking in.

Bucky Barnes was well aware of the fact that he had a drinking problem. It wasn’t that he was an alcoholic, but when he went to parties, he couldn’t just drink a little he always got hammered. He didn’t feel the need to drink every day, but if it was a party those were excuses to get drunk.

(Y/n) was an observant girl and quickly realized living across from Bucky that he was pretty self-destructive. The first time she found him stumbling in the hall she felt the need to take him in to make sure he was okay. She had this terrible fear of him getting alcohol poisoning, and so every chance she got she brought him in after parties to watch after him. She didn’t mind going to her morning class half-awake if she knew he was safe.

“Why don’t you get some sleep?” she asks standing up. She was exhausted herself and wanted to get a couple hours of sleep before class. She reached under the coffee table and pulled out a pillow and blanket she stored under there for Bucky. He laid down and she walked over to cover him up tucking him in.

“Why are you so nice to me?” he mumbled.

“Because I’m worried about you,” she sighed.

“I wished my sober self-took the effort to get to know you,” his hazy eyes looked up into her big eyes.

“I wish you did too,” she sighed wishing that she was pretty enough to attract the attention of the boy laying on her couch in front of her when he wasn’t actually drunk out of his mind. “Get some sleep Bucky,” she softly said as she walked off towards her bed.

-&-

The bright light shining through the curtains woke Bucky up. The second his eyes opened he was made very aware of how bad his hangover was. Looking over on the coffee table he saw a Gatorade the a few orange pills sitting on top of a note.

He held up the note and smiled reading it. 

Bucky,

I know you’re probably super hungover. Please take the Advil and drink all of that Gatorade. Sorry I left you alone had to go to class.

He slowly sat up and took the pills and started chugging the Gatorade. He reached onto the floor and grabbed his button up shirt and pulled it on not even bothering to button it. He reached on the floor and picked up his shoes and with the other hand held onto his bottle of Gatorade she had left for him. Slowly he made his way out of her door and across the small hallway to his door room. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his key that he lied to (y/n) and said he didn’t have and opened his door. He found Steve sitting at his desk working on something.

“Where were you last nights?” Steve asked turning around to look at his very hungover roommate.

“I was at (y/n)’s,” he walked over and threw himself down on his bed.

Steve pushed his eyebrows together wondering why Bucky always stayed at her place when he was drunk. He knew that they weren’t friends or anything like that.

“So, do you like her?” Steve asked curious.

Bucky closed his eyes trying to stop his headache, “I don’t know.”

“Why did you go there if you weren’t locked out?”

He shrugged his shoulders still not bothering to open his eyes, “I guess I wanted to see her.”

“Are you guys like friends?” Steve was very confused by Bucky and her relationship. He wasn’t sure if he ever even saw them talk before.

“We really don’t talk other than when I’m drunk and she’s taking care of me,” he sighed.

“Maybe you should hangout you know maybe not drunk out of your mind?” Steve knew Bucky drank too much but he didn’t know what to tell him. He wanted to have an intervention, but he didn’t even know how to go about bringing up the topic of Bucky’s drinking.

“I don’t think I have the nerve to talk to her when I’m sober,” he sighed knowing deep down it was because he was embarrassed that she always took care of him while he was drunk.

“I don’t know maybe you should try. Considering she takes care of your drunk ass all the time,” Steve stood up from his desk. “Alright I have class and you should probably attempt to sleep off this hangover.”

-&-

It was another drunken night for Bucky. It was Sam Wilson’s birthday and he was having a huge house party at one of the frat houses. The party was a big enough deal that even Bucky’s roommate Steve tagged along, and Steve was never the type of guy who went to parties. Bucky was already four drinks deep when walked into the kitchen and found a familiar face leaning against the wall flirting with the Captain of the football team Peter Quill. The site of Peter opening flirting with (y/n) suddenly made him mad and he wasn’t sure why. He knew he didn’t have a right to be jealous of Peter Quill talking to her.

“Yo, Quill,” Bucky walked over attempting to cock block him. He didn’t like the idea of Peter and her hooking up.

“Hey Bucky,” she smiled. She was kind of caught off guard by seeing him. She could tell by the slight slur in his speech that he had already drank quite a bit.

“Hey doll,” he gave her a crooked smile.

Peter pushes his eyebrows together as he looked between Bucky and (y/n), “so you guys know each other?”

“We’re neighbors, she lives right across the hall from me.”

“Are you guys like a thing?” Peter asked wondering if he was wasting his time. He was having a good time talking to (y/n) and thought something might happen between them.

“No,” she said attempting to save this conversation, she had always had a crush on Peter for quite some time, and she as caught off guard that he was actually flirting with her.

“She takes care of me,” Bucky smiled attempting to get Quill to leave her alone. He knew Peter hooked up quite a bit, and he didn’t want her to be another one of his hook ups.

“Oh okay, well it was great talking to you,” Peter said to her excusing himself from the conversation.

She let out a heavy sigh and closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe that Bucky just got in between her and Peter Quill flirting. She had had a crush on Peter for the last two years and Bucky managed to drunkenly ruin it in seconds.

“Why did you do that?” she’s asked rubbing her fingers through her hair as she tried not to get even more annoyed at Bucky.

“He’s an asshole he’s known to hit it and quit it,” Bucky said before taking a large gulp of his drink.

“I don’t need you to look after me,” she sighed.

“But you look after me,” he couldn’t understand why she was so mad, he was just trying help her out.

“It’s not the same as when I take care of you. Bucky you don’t know anything about me other than my first name and where my dorm is,” she said walking passed him not bothering letting him to respond. His blue eyes were locked on her as he watched her make her way through the crowd over to her red headed roommate Natasha who was sitting on the couch next to her boyfriend Clint.

Bucky was well aware of the fact that he had just majorly messed up, and wasn’t sure how he was going to fix it.

The party went by in a blur for him. One minute he was talking to Steve and the next thing he knew was sitting on the grass outside swaying side to side. His blue eyes opened to find (y/n) standing in front of him.

Kneeling down in front of him she rested her hand on his cheek and said his name.

“Doll,” he mumbled.

“Bucky let’s get you home,” she said reaching down to take his hands to help him get up.

Luckily the party was on the same street as their dorm building. She held his hand leading him the couple of blocks home while he stumbled down the street.

The elevator ride up was completely silent as she stared at him with a sad look on her face. She looked like she was about to burst into tears.

The doors opened and they stepped into the hallway and she led him down the hall to his dorm.

“Do you have your key?” she asked standing at his door.

He silently nodded his head and reached into this pocket and pulled out his key and handed it to her.

“I don’t even know your last name,” he sighed as she opened his door.

“It’s (y/l/n).”

“What are you studying?” he was asking her a bunch of questions because he wanted to get to know the girl that constantly took care of him.

“Bucky why are you asking me all these questions?” she was already annoyed at him for getting in the way of her and Peter Quill. She had thought he was cute for a while and tonight was her chance to talk to him.

“Because I actually want to get to know,” he whined leaning against the wall as she used the key he had given her to open his door.

“Bucky you don’t actually want to know me,” she sighed. “Believe me, you like having me take care of you, but the second some pretty girl catches your eye you’ll stop talking to me. We both know you like having me around when you’re drunk, because I’m coinvent.”

His eyebrows knit together in confusion as he stared at the girl in front of him confused by her statement.

“(Y/n),” he mumbled as she opened the door.

“Bucky let’s not do this, let’s get you to bed. I have to be up early and I need sleep.”

He followed her inside and it was clear she had no desire to talk about anything personal. It was pretty clear she didn’t want to put up with Bucky at that moment either.

She helped him get into his pajamas and then get him into bed. She stood above him as he laid in bed for a long moment and just stared at the drunk boy, with sad eyes. He obviously had some personal demons and his way of coping with them was to drink them away. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could sit around and watch him destroy himself anymore.

“I’m sorry,” he reached for her hand.

“Bucky get some sleep,” she acted like she didn’t even hear his apology and she just walked out of his dorm room.


	2. The sweet girl who cares too much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, sadness, drinking, cussing, and mentions of a past trauma and alcoholism.

The morning light shining through the curtains woke Bucky up. He was reminded of his heavy night of drinking when he opened his eyes to a throbbing headache. Looking across the room he found Steve sitting on his bed reading a book.

Bucky groaned as he rubbed his eyes.

“Well good morning sleepy head,” Steve sound way to awake for Bucky’s liking.

“(Y/n) asked me to give you this,” Steve got out of bed and walked over and handed Bucky some Advil and a bottle of water.

“Did she leave a note?” Bucky asked wondering. Every time he would crash at her place, she would always leave him a note the next morning reminding him to take Advil and to get hydrated.

“Nope, I ran into her in the hallway this morning and just asked me to make sure you took medicine.”

Bucky took the pills quickly and took a large gulp of water.

“I was kind of shocked she put you in your bed last night instead of putting you on her couch,” Steve walked over and sat down on the edge of his bed.

“I think I messed up last night,” Bucky sighed remembering that he got in the way of her and Peter.

Steve took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. I knew at some point Bucky was going to mess up his friendship or whatever it was with (y/n).

“Buck what did you do?”

“Peter Quill was flirting with her and I kind of stepped in to scared him off,” he groaned knowing that it wasn’t his place to infer with her life.

“Bucky do you even know anything about her?” Steve asked curious to why his roommate got between her and another guy.

“I know her last name and I know that almost everyone one of her school days start at either 7:30 or 8:00.”

Steve let out a heavy sigh, “does she know anything about you?”

“She knows more about me,” Bucky sighed. “I should go talk to her,” Bucky slowly got out of bed and walked over to his dresser and grabbed hoodie to pull on. Walking out of the dorm her walked across the hall to her door and knocked hoping she was home. Her roommate the fiery redhead answered the door with an unamused look on her face.

“James Buchanan Barnes what do you want?” she asked leaning against the door frame.

“Is (y/n) home?”

“Nope she went home for the weekend. She said something about needing to get away.”

“I was shocked I didn’t come home to find you on my couch like normal,” she said.

Natasha was well aware that Bucky frequently slept on her couch. Her roommate talked often about the boy who lived across the hall. It was obvious to Natasha that she had grown to have feeling for the boy whose life was going down a toxic path. Anytime she talked about him Nat would try to let her know that Bucky wasn’t good for her. She had nothing against Bucky other than she knew that he would get super hammered at parties and sleep on her couch.

“You know she worries about you, constantly right?”

Bucky nodded his head knowing that (y/n) worried about him.

“Can you let her know I stopped by to apologize?” he asked.

Natasha nodded her head.

He walked back across the small hallway and walked inside to find Steve in the same place he left him. Bucky sat down on his bed and sighed as he ran his met fingers through his hair. He looked up at Steve to see him staring at him with a concerned look on his face.

“Does she know what happened you?” Steve wondered.

Bucky shook his head slowly.

“I haven’t really told anyone other than you,” he sighed.

“Maybe you should let her in,” Steve said as he closed his book.

-&-

(Y/n) had made the choice to take the train home for the weekend. She was stressed with school, and needed a break. She also needed to step away from Bucky. She couldn’t sit around and watch him slowly self-destruct.

(Y/n) had always been a person who cared too much. Since she was a child, she always put other people’s feeling and happiness above hers. She would always go out of her way to sure everyone was happy. Her mother always told her she was going to be truly happy until she started putting herself first. She knew she needed to step back from whatever messed up relationship she had with Bucky and do something that would make her happy.

Sitting in her family kitchen she was a cup of tea in front of her, and her mother was sitting across from her staring at her daughter with a concerned look on her face. Her mother didn’t expect her to come home for the weekend. Normally when (y/n) come home for the weekend she would plan it out with her mother. She was caught off guard completely when her daughter walked into the kitchen this early morning.

(Y/n) slowly brought her cup of tea up to her lips and took a sip of the warm liquid. Sitting the tea cup down she looked over at her mother who was still staring at her with a concerned look on her face.

“Honey are you going to tell me why you came home?” her mother asked.

She let out a sigh and gave her mom a sad smile, “I just wanted to come home.”

Her mom knit her eyebrows together and stared at her. She knew her daughter well enough to know that something was going on. “Honey you know you can tell me anything right?”

She nodded, “yeah I know. I just needed to come home and get away for a little while.”

Reaching across the table she squeezed her daughter’s hand, “honey, tell me what’s wrong.”

(Y/n) couldn’t even explain it, but suddenly she wanted to cry, “there is this boy that lives across the hall. He has a drinking problem, and we have fallen into this messed up routine where he sleeps on my couch when he’s drunk.” She paused gathering her thoughts for a moment, “it’s not even like we’re friends or anything. He doesn’t actually know anything about me other than my name. For some stupid reason I care about him way more than I should.”

Gently she squeezed her daughter’s hand again, “so do you love him?”

She shook her head, “I don’t think I love him, but I have feelings for him. I hate watching him slowly self-destruct, and I wish I could save him, but I don’t think I can save him if he’s not willing to save himself.”

Her heart hurt for her daughter. She had raised (y/n) to have a big heart and to be kind, but (y/n) had one of the biggest hearts possible. She knew that her daughter always wanted to save everyone and to help them, but some people couldn’t be helped.

“Honey, if he doesn’t want to get better you can’t save him,” her mother sighed.

(Y/n) nodded, “I know.”

She let out a heavy sigh and looked down at the table, “I have told myself over and over again that I shouldn’t feel anything for him. I know he doesn’t return my feeling, I don’t even think he remembers who I am when he’s sober. Last night at a party I was talking to this guy that I have always had a crush on, and things were going good,” she let out another sigh. “Bucky came up and I could tell he was already pretty gone, and he scared the guy off. He told him how I take care of him and everything.”

“What happened with you and Bucky last night?” her mother asked.

“I found him later on sitting outside on the grass and I took him back to his dorm and put him to bed. He was asking me a bunch of question telling me he wanted to really know me, and I just brushed him off and put him to bed.”

“Honey it sounds like he likes you, but the boy has a lot of inner demons that he needs to figure out. I know you want to save him honey, but just know he can’t be saved unless he wants to be saved.”

(Y/N) knew her mother was right, Bucky had a lot of demons that he needed to figure out. She wasn’t going to be able to save him if he didn’t want to be save.

A few days past when Bucky was coming back from class and finally saw (y/n) for the first time since the night of Sam Wilson’s birthday party. She was walking out of her dorm when they ran into each other.

They stared at each other awkwardly for a moment before Bucky finally spoke up, “hey.”

“Hi,” she said with a little awkward wave.

“I need to talk to you,” Bucky sighed.

“Okay,” her voice was soft and almost sounded unsure. She couldn’t lie she had kind of been avoiding Bucky, she wasn’t exactly ready to see him after the party.

“Do you know what happened to my arm?” he asked curious to if she had heard any rumors.

She shook her head, “no.”

“Can we sit down and talk in my dorm?” he asked knowing that Steve wasn’t home.

She nodded her head.

Bucky reached over and unlocked his door and held it open for her to come inside. She walked passed him and made her way over to the couch that was on the wall. Bucky walked over silently and sat down next to her. He wasn’t even sure where to start. He hadn’t talk about the night he lost his arm in probably two years, and that night was still really hard for him to talk about. He wasn’t sure if he would ever really be able to talk about it without it messing with his head.

“So…” he hesitated. “I was seventeen and I went out with one of my really good friends, we had been drinking at a friend’s birthday party…” he paused as he spoke about the night it all started coming back to him. The memories of that night were still burned into his brain.

She looked over at him with a pained expression. She could tell that this was hard for him to talk about, but she needed to know what happened that started him down the self-destructive path he was going down.

“We were having a great time, everything was going great. We had both been drinking, and I was stupid and didn’t try to talk him out of driving. He told me he was fine and had sobered up, but I didn’t know that he had been popping pills before we left,” he closed his eyes tight for a moment as he was fighting back the tears that we threatening to fall. “We headed back home, and on the way back to my place he swerved and our car ran straight into a tree that had branches spear the car. My friend passed away an hour after we were taken to the hospital, and I lost my left arm. The doctors said they tried everything to save it, but they couldn’t.”

Tears started sliding down his cheek and She stared at him attempting to figure out what she should say to him. She had heard a few rumors about him being in a car crash, but she never expected that he would of also lost his friend in the same accident.

“Bucky,” she reached over and rested her hand on his thigh. “Hey it’s alright.”

“I had nightmares about the crash for probably a solid eight months. Driving still freaks me out,” he didn’t want to cry but he couldn’t help it. He hated talking about that night, but he felt like he owed this to her. “I still get the nightmares every so often. I think that’s why I started drinking, when I get drunk, I don’t have nightmares.”

Her heart was suddenly breaking for the boy who was sitting next to her. She realized that his inner demons were his past that was still haunting him.

“Thank you for telling me about what happened.”

“I figured I owed it to you to know since you’re the one who takes care of me.”

Her eyes examined his metal arm for a moment. She couldn’t believe that he lost his arm and his friend in the same night. She suddenly felt as if she was a complete loss for words. 

“I’m sorry about getting between you and Peter Quill,” he sighed as he reached up and brushed his tears away. “I don’t want be your problem anymore. I know I’m just kind of a waste of space.”

She shook her head, “you aren’t a waste of space.”

“I don’t need to burden you with my problems anymore,” he stood up suddenly and walked away from where they had been sitting. Suddenly he just felt completely overwhelmed but the whole situation, he hadn’t ever told anyone about that night other than Steve. That fact that (y/n) knew made him feel slightly sick. He knew she had a right to know, but he didn’t want her to look at him like he was broken.

She stared at him with her eyebrows knit together confused on why he was suddenly pacing and seemed to be freaking out.

“Bucky, we don’t ever have to talk about this again, but I want you to know I appreciate you telling me,” she gave him a sad smile.

Standing up she walked over to him as he stood there staring at him. Placing her hand on his cheek she stared into his sad blue eyes and whispered, “you aren’t a burden, and I’m across the hall if you ever need me. You don’t have to be drunk to talk to me. I’ll be there to listen to you or even take care of you, if that’s what you need.”

His sad eyes were looked on hers as he sniffled trying to stop his tears that were slowly sliding down his cheek. Silently he pulled away from her cheek, he knew the look she was giving him. I was the same look that Steve gave him when he told him about the accident.

“I’m okay, I need to go to class.”

He walked over to his bed and grabbed his backpack and walked out of the room leaving her standing alone in his dorm. Her eyes were wide as she stood there dumbfounded. Her eyes started to brim with tears, she was completely confused on what had happened. Bucky had finally opened up to her and let her in on his past, and quickly closed himself off emotionally.


	3. Please let me in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, fluff, cussing, and mentions of a past trauma and alcoholism.

It had been a few days since Bucky had told (y/n) about his accident and he had been going out of his way to avoid her. They had seen each other in passing a few times, and every time she looked at him, she had the same sad look on her face. She looked at him like he was broken, and he hated that. He wished he could go back and never tell her about that night.

Later that night as Bucky was going out to go to another party at one of the frat parties he opened the door and found (y/n) standing outside his door. She looked like she was about to knock on his door.

“Hey,” he awkwardly said not exactly sure what else to say.

“Are you avoiding me?” she asked sounding hurt.

He shook his head lying.

“Why do I feel like that’s not true,” she whispered with her voice sounding shaky.

He shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t need to be your problem anymore.”

She winced at his words, “Bucky.”

“Hey I’m not your burden anymore, you can go be with Quill and I won’t get in the way,” he raised his hands surrendering. He knew he was sounding like and asshole, but he needed her to know she didn’t have to be there for him anymore.

“Why are you acting like this?” she asked sadly.

“Because you don’t need to waste your time on me anymore,” he sighed.

“Bucky, I know you’re haunted by that night, but you need to stop throwing your life away. I wish you realized you actually mattered to people,” she sighed. “Even if you think people don’t care about you, a lot of people care about you…” she couldn’t even say anything else. Even though part of her was begging to tell him that she cared about him. “You just made it clear you don’t want my help, so I’ll back off.”

“(Y/N)…” he wasn’t sure what else to say to her.

“Bucky, I need to go,” she moved passed him reaching for her door.

He stood leaning against the wall watching as she struggled to get her key out of her pocket.

He took a deep breath and pushed himself off the wall and walked into his dorm and found Steve sitting in his bed with a book in his hand.

“What’s up?” Steve asked.

“Yeah I think (y/n) is done with me…” he paused and walked off towards his bed. “I took advantage of her caring about me, and I just pushed her away…”

“Bucky,” Steve couldn’t help but feel bad for Bucky he knew his friend had been through a lot and he knew that his drinking too much at parties was his way of coping, but he couldn’t lie he was also worried him. “Do you care about her?”

He nodded his head and sat down on his bed and let out a heavy sigh, “Yeah I do. I just don’t know how to properly show it, I also can’t deal with her looking at me like I’m broken.”

Steve shook his head staring at his friend, “you better walk over to her and tell her you’re sorry for being an asshole. Bucky she obviously cares about you.”

Bucky sat down on the couch an placed his face in his hands and let out a heavy sigh, “she too sweet, and doesn’t deserve to deal with me.”

Steve walked over and sat down on the couch next to Bucky, and patted him on the back, “Bucky you need help, and you need someone who is willing to hold your hand while you get better. I’m going to be there for you no matter what, but I think you’re going to need her by your side too.”

Looking up at Steve, Bucky knew his best friend was right. He needed to start getting his life together, and step one was to start going to therapy like his parent wanted him too, and to stop drinking.

“I need to apologize.”

Steve nodded.

Bucky stood up and walked out of the dorm and went across the hall to her dorm. He knocked on her door and she opened the door. Her eyes were puffy a sign that she had been crying. His stomach knotted at the thought that he had made was the reason she had been crying.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

Shrugging her shoulders, she stepped aside. Bucky walked inside and went straight over to the small couch that he had spent many nights on. She didn’t even bother sitting down, she stood across from him and crossed her arms over her chest and stared him with a sad look. She opened her mouth to speak, but quickly closed it and let out a very light sigh. Bucky stared at her silently wondering what he should say to her. He knew he owed her a apology for everything.

“Bucky you don’t have to be friends with, you don’t owe me anything. You’ve made it clear that you don’t want to let me in, and that’s totally fine,” she paused. “But I need you to know I can’t keep trying to help you if you aren’t going to let me in. You keep giving me emotional whiplash, and I can’t deal with it anymore. If you don’t want me in your life that’s fine. I can step away and leave you alone.”

He shook his head and said, “(y/n) I’m so fucked up, and I want to get better. I just need you to know that I’m going to work on getting better. You’re the only person other then my family and Steve that know what happened to me,” he sighed “I’m well aware that I’m a mess, but I can’t have you looking at me like I’m broken. Steve used to look at me like that for a while, and I just hate the way it makes me feel.”

She didn’t even say anything she silently sat down on the couch next to Bucky. Reaching over she rested her hand on her cheek and stared into his sad blue eyes.

“I don’t think you’re broken, but think you need help. I understand if you don’t want my help, but I’m willing to be there for you if you want me to be. Bucky you are a strong and brave person, and I know you can get better.”

“I want to get better, I cant go around ruining friendships,” he whispered.

“We can work on getting you better,” her voice was soft. “I can be there for every step away the way if you want me to be.”

He gently nodded with her hand still resting on his cheek.

“(Y/n) I want to get to know you more. I feel like you know so much about me, but I don’t know nearly enough about you,” he reached over and rested his hand on her thick thigh.

“Bucky can I tell you anything you want to learn about me,” she smiled. She felt as if her and Bucky were breaking through so many walls right then.

“I owe you an apology for getting in between you and Peter Quill,” he sighed thinking back to that night when he messed everything up with (y/n). He wished he could go back to that night and tell himself to not be an asshole.

“Bucky why did you get between Peter and I?” She needed to know why Bucky ruined everything that night.

Pulling away from her he leaned back at on the couch knowing that he needed to let her know what happened. He knew he owed her an explanation his actions.

“I guess that night I realized I liked you more then I thought I did, and I just got jealous at the thought of someone else getting you attention. I know I was a total asshole that night, and I’m really sorry about that.”

She couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he mentioned that he liked her, “you like me?”

Shyly he nodded his head, “yeah.”

“I like you too,” she said softly.

They sat on the couch for a while as Bucky asked (y/n) lots of questions wanting to get to know her more. Bucky asked her everything he could think of under the sun, he asked what he favorite color was. What her life was like growing up, and all about her family. She told him embarrassing stories from her childhood that left both of them laughing and her cheeks bright red. They sat there together for probably two hours actually getting to know each other.

“Did you maybe want to spend the night?” She felt suddenly nervous about asking him to stay. There were so many drunken nights Bucky had slept on her couch, but her asking him to stay this time was completely different. “Like sleeping in my bed with me?” She nervously asked.

Softly he nodded, he knew this was going to be a very innocent night, but this was a big deal for him. (Y/n) meant a lot to him, and they both had fully opened up to each other and right then he wanted to kiss her and tell her she was special, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

Standing up she reached out her hand and he reached forward with his metal hand and stood up with her. She led him off to her bed and dropped his hand so she could walked over to her dresser to get her pajamas. Bucky sat there watching her as she searched through her dresser. He felt suddenly overwhelmed by everything. He was scared that some how he was going to mess up everything with (y/n), she had opened up so much to him and he didn’t want to break her heart.

“I’m going to get dressed for bed. You can sleep in your boxers if you want.”

He nodded and watched as she walked off to the small bathroom. Standing up he stripped away his clothing and was left in his boxers. Sitting back down on the edge of the bed he watched as she walked back into the room. She was wearing a tank top that showed off her beautiful skin, and a pair of small shorts that showed off her thick thighs that normally left her felling uncomfortable. His eyes couldn’t help but roam her curvy body. Her eyes stayed wide as she stared at him wondering if she should wear something else, that maybe he didn’t like what he was seeing.

Before she could even open her mouth to speak, he spoke first, “you’re beautiful.”

Walking towards him she stood in front of him as he sat on the edge of the bed staring up at her with a look of wonder. Reaching forward with his flesh hand he ran his finger gently up and down her arm holding her attention. Her bottom lip was captured between her teeth as she stared at him. There was a silence between each other as they just stared at each other. Reach down she placed her hand on his cheek and smiled.

“I want to kiss you,” Bucky whispered.

She nodded, “I would like that.”

Without another word he reached for her hips and pulled her down so she was straddling his waist. Her eyes were wide afraid she weighed too much.

“I don’t think I should sit on your lap,” she whispered embarrassed as her cheeks flushed pink.

He shook his head, “you don’t weigh too much so don’t freak out about it.”

He removed his flesh hand from her waisted and reached up to rest his hand on her cheek and leaned forward resting his nose against hers. He took a deep breath taking in their closeness. Since his accident he hadn’t really gotten close to anyone, and this was a big step for him.

Leaning forward she connected his lips to hers for a gentle kiss as his hand still rested on her cheek holding her close to him. The kiss was slow are their lips moved together as they tested the waters. Butterflies formed in her stomach as their lips danced. Pulling away slowly he rested his nose against hers again with his eyes closed. She couldn’t help but smile at the fact that they had just shared their first kiss.

“Maybe we should get some sleep,” he asked softly pulling away from her.

Nodding, she pulled herself off Bucky and stood in front of him. He moved back on her twin bed so his back was against the wall and tapped the bed in front of him signaling for her to join him. A smiled was plastered across her face as she crawled into bed with her back firmly against his tone body. His metal arm was resting over her side holding her close to him. Gently she reached up and ran her fingers across the cool metal of his hand. He closed his eyes taking in their closeness. Without thinking he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her exposed shoulder for a gently kiss.

“Bucky thank you for letting me,” she whispered.

“Thank you for not giving up on me.”

-&-

As morning light shined through the curtain she smiled at the feeling of Bucky strong arm pulling her closer to him on small bed. The sound of him yawning let her know he was awake. Glancing over her shoulder she found his blue eyes looking back at her.

“Good morning,” he yawned.

“Morning,” she said with her sleepy voice still sound raspy.

“Did you want to leave campus and go get breakfast at a diner?” He asked.

Pulling away from him she slowly got out of bed, “I would love that.”

“Maybe this could be like a breakfast date?” He asked as he watched her as she slowly stretched.

“I would really like that,” she smiled.

“I’ll get up and then you can run to your place and change and you can get dressed and we can go get food. If you want you can invite Steve.”

He gave her a confused look.

“I know we said this is a date, but we can always invite him and then we can maybe have a proper date tonight or tomorrow,” she stepped towards him as he stood by her bed staring at her.

He nodded his head liking the sound of her proposal. He reach up he pushed a piece of her hair gently behind her ear and leaned forward for a soft kiss.

“Okay that sound like a great idea. I need to call my parents tomorrow and setup a therapy appointment.”

“Okay I can go with you to your appointment and wait in the waiting area if you would like?” She wanted him to know that she planned on being there every step of the way if he would let her.

He nodded and smiled, “I would really like that.”

Bucky left and went and got ready and got Steve to tag along to breakfast. Steve couldn’t help but be happy that his best friend finally realized what was in front of him. Bucky and (y/n) seemed like they were happy now that they finally talked out their feelings. Breakfast went well and at night Bucky and (y/n) had their first official date. It was a relaxing night were they watched movies on her couch and ate take out. It was a sweet and innocent date, they had both agreed that they should take things slow. As the night came to close (y/n) walked Bucky to the door and he kissed her goodnight.

With his hand resting her cheek he whispered, “you’re a special girl, and I can’t thank you enough for not giving up on me.”

“I don’t plan on ever giving up on you Bucky Barnes,” she leaned forward and connected her lips to his for another kiss not ready to call it a night.


End file.
